Somnath Batabyal
Occidentally Yours
Long live the Queen! And her stooping subjects
By Somnath Batabyal
You surely do not disapprove of the Queen’s diamond jubilee celebrations, do you? It is such a beautiful tradition and uplifting when times are this hard.”
I faltered. I was sitting on the lady’s boat and drinking her tea while her husband navigated the vessel around the Bristol harbour area, now festooned with balloons and buntings to commemorate the occasion under discussion. There were times when a bit of circumlocution was warranted and this, I instinctively felt, was one such.
I tried to talk about alternative traditions — the Black History, the movement for universal women franchise, perhaps the slow, painful birth of Parliament itself — histories that were not embedded in the Divine Rights theory that one was predestined to rule over others by some god ordained decree. “Oh, we really do not believe in that, of course but it is nice to know that some traditions can sustain through centuries and you know, the British monarchy does have a brand value. So many of you come to the country to see Buckingham Palace, no?”
One couldn’t fault her there; there are a million “commoners” who throng that stretch of Westminster every month, posing with the soldiers in red and their horses, my countrymen and women included. So what was I complaining about? Precisely this: the fact that we as citizens are so ready to celebrate what has brutalised us for centuries. Monarchy everywhere is a story of bloodshed and gore. And yet, all over the world, from the deserts of Rajasthan to the snowscape of Norway, we idolise our tormentors. The benign monarch is generally a creation of ancient spin doctors.
And spin doctoring is much in evidence with the British Royal family. Ever since that over hyped royal marriage, monarchy in Britain is the new chic. The present Queen has suddenly become the symbol of stoicism simply by having remained silent for over 50 years, not uttering a word as world events unfolded and changed the course of history. Her PR machine represents it as the quintessential stiff, upper lip: solid British stuff. If silence was this virtuous, millions of women across our country should be knighted, silenced as they are by the male hegemony and yes, of course, tradition.
But really, it is hypocritical of me to rage against monarchy, and British monarchy at that. For I, too, have been seduced and bent over backwards before the Queen. As a student in London, I resided in a somewhat farcically christened accommodation called Goodenough College, named after a William Goodenough. The place was for the toffs of the world and I had accidentally found myself in these grand, period buildings for four years while studying post-colonial theory at the School of Oriental and African Studies, known for its rowdy Trotskyite history.
Queen Elizabeth was the College Patron and on its 75th anniversary she was invited as the chief guest. My initial reaction to hearing the news was annoyance. I decided that I would move to alternate digs during the week which would involve many rehearsals, security drills and unnecessary brouhaha.
Queen Elizabeth II: a subject of majesty!
Three weeks before the event, I received a letter from the Warden informing me that I was one of the chosen few who would be personally introduced to the Queen. Would I accept? Of course I would, you delightful man, I wrote back, doing a pirouette around the room and then cartwheels on the front lawn.
In the next few days, I called my mother, (who called all of Kolkata to spread the news) bought new shoes and an expensive suit and attended every rehearsal diligently. “Ma’m rhyming with jam, not mum,” the Director said and I parroted him. Silly, you say, but such are the powers of monarchy.
Come the day, I met the Queen, shook her hand and engaged her in delightful conversations about post-colonial India. Or that’s what I wanted to believe. A photograph shows me bent forward like a good subject as I shook the gloved hand.
“Bend it like Batabyal” a classmate eyeing the photograph remarked wryly.
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Somnath Batabyal is Fellow at the University of Heidelberg. A former journalist, he is interested in news production practices in Indian media. His book, Making News: Behind the Scenes at Star News and Star Ananda, was published recently by Routledge. When not following such lofty pursuits, he dabbles in fiction and is experimenting with graphic novels.
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This column appears in Sunday Guardian as Nomad Notes and can be read here